Lost in Time

What bothers me? That’s a question I’ve been thinking about for a while. Sure, there are the little things—like when you’re at a shop, waiting for your bill, and someone steps in front of you as if you weren’t even there, cutting in line without a second thought. Or when the Wi-Fi goes down right in the middle of a good conversation. Those moments annoy me, but they aren’t what really get to me. What bothers me most is something bigger, quieter—the feeling that I’m always caught between the past and the future, losing track of the present.

I’m not sure when it started, but somehow, my mind has become this wandering machine. I’ll be sitting in the middle of an ordinary day—maybe having a glass of water, talking to a friend, or just staring at the sky—and before I know it, my thoughts have jumped somewhere else. Suddenly, I’m deep in the past, replaying memories I’d rather forget or wondering what could’ve been. I start thinking about decisions I made or things I didn’t say, and before I can pull myself back, the present slips through my fingers.

What’s worse is when I’m not even aware of it happening. It’s like I’m on autopilot, my mind just… drifting. It’s not like I’m actively choosing to go back there. It’s like the past has this magnetic pull, and I can’t help but be sucked in. But the funny thing is, when I’m thinking about the past, I’m not even in control. The thoughts just come and go without asking permission, like unwanted guests at a party.

The future’s just as bad. If I’m not dwelling on something that’s already happened, I’m worrying about what’s next. Will I make the right choices? What will happen if I don’t live up to expectations? What if the things I’m working toward never actually happen? These kinds of thoughts take me out of the present moment, and I’m left pacing in my mind, mentally preparing for something that’s not even here yet. It’s exhausting. I spend so much time worrying about things that might not even come to pass that I forget to enjoy what’s happening right now.

I think what bothers me the most is how much time I’ve lost to this cycle. The past is gone, and the future is still waiting to unfold. But the present? The present is slipping away unnoticed. It’s like watching a movie where I’m not paying attention to the plot, just getting distracted by flashbacks and trailers for a future I’m not even in yet. Life happens in the now, but I’m always a step behind, lost in thoughts that don’t matter.

I’ve tried to change it. I’ve tried to be more mindful, more present in my daily life. And sometimes, I’m good at it. There are moments when I catch myself, take a deep breath, and think, “This is it. This is life, right here.” But more often than not, it’s a battle. A battle to stop my mind from wandering, a battle to stay grounded in the moment instead of getting lost in time’s current.

It’s a strange thing, really. We spend so much time chasing the future, worrying about what might happen, and holding onto the past, trying to make sense of what already did. But the present—this tiny sliver of time—is the one thing we can actually experience. And yet, it’s so easy to forget.

So yeah, I guess that’s what bothers me. It’s the way my mind pulls me out of the moment and the way I can lose myself in thoughts that don’t serve me. It’s the way I forget to be here, in the now, until the now becomes the past, and I’ve missed it altogether.

I don’t have an answer to it yet. I don’t have a solution or a perfect way to fix it. But at least I’m aware of it now. At least I can try, every day, to be a little bit more present. Because even though it’s hard, I think that’s where life really is—in the small, fleeting moments that we often forget to notice.

So, maybe the key is to simply remember: the present is the only place we’re ever really living. And as long as I keep that in mind, maybe I can start finding a little more peace in it.

Please subscribe my channel (free): https://mygrandmas-healthyschool.com/